So I woke up this morning in a Vicodin haze and I realised that it was Sunday. I don't know what you call my schedule; I suppose that some call it "shift work," but there really aren't shifts, I suppose you call it an airline schedule. Who knows. Anyway, it becomes exceedingly difficult after about a month at work to figure out what day of the week it is. Like it really matters, I mean, I go to work on the 8th and I get off again on the 13th. It's all work, the days don't matter anymore. You ask me the date, and BAAM!, you've got it pal. Don't ask me the day of the week, cause I don't know it, and there's only a 14% chance I'll be right. In fact, my default answer is Wednesday.

But today has some significance to it. Aside from the fact that it's the "Lord's Day," Sunday, communion Sunday as it were, it's a very special Sunday in America. It's that Sunday where everybody eats fat covered fat (pork rinds) and drink gallons upon gallons of beer and soda. Today is Super Bowl Sunday.

Now, I've lived in America off and on since 2000. Almost every one of those years we have attended some Super Bowl party. Every year it's the same discussion on the way to the party: "Who's playing this year? Where are they playing? Are there three or four downs in American football? Which team do these people root for?" Blah blah blah. Are you getting the picture? I don't give a crap about NFL football. I don't give a crap about Super Bowl. Just like the day of the week, I have no idea about anything when it comes to the Super Bowl. I mean, I'm Canadian for crying out loud. When football players toss their gloves off like butter and then pull their opponents jersey over their heads and feed them fifty-five straight uppercuts, that's when I'll make a big deal about the Super Bowl.

Despite my gross apathy for the Super Bowl, I guess it's not entirely true to say I don't know anything about the Super Bowl. Here is what I do know. I know that a few years back, Justin Timberlake gave us all a view of Janet Jackson's prune boob, and that the Cowboys once played in the Super Bowl one time. "Hey Jack, who played in the Super Bowl last year?" Hmm....probably the Cowboys, hell I don't know. But I'll bet that the cheerleaders wore next to nothing, and that a bunch of three-hundred pound dudes grabbed each others' asses.

Luckily, this year we are going to a friend's Super Bowl party who also don't care about the football. I am so looking forward to it. None of us care about it, so none of us have to fake it. Well, I need to go and paint my chest.