Being mean is so much easier than being nice.
For example, I think that cankles are the single worst thing in the world. I am quite vocal about this. Deep in my heart, I have a resentment towards cankles. You know? There is nothing good about ankles that are the same diameter as the knee above. Nothing. Well, balance maybe.
The other thing that I hate so much? People who stand out when they are absolutely not supposed to stand out. I have a Japanese way of thinking when it comes to individuality: The nail that sands out will be hammered down. What am I talking about? Emo kids. When is someone going to tell these little homos that they look like homos? Seriously. The following is a dialogue I had with an emo kid in Salt Lake City this March. He was pushing a scooter wearing leopard print, girls pants with rhinestones on the pockets:
- "THOSE ARE GIRLS PANTS!"
"NO THEY'RE NOT!"
"YES THEY ARE!"
"FUCK YOU!"
"NO. YOU!"
That poor kid. He just needs to forgive his father. Really. These twerps think that they are being so unique. They and their buddies all look like retards...in unison.
Anyway, why do I post these things? Well, I wanted to prove a point to myself. While despising cankles and emo kids may be somewhat humorous, it is hardly a nice thing. In fact, it's quite ugly. What do I gain by making fun of a person whose ankles are as big around as their waste? Nothing. What did I gain from yelling at the emo? Nothing. Well, I take that back. I gained something. Full knowledge that I am a full-blown asshole.
- If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal
- 1 Corinthians 13:1
Too often I wonder if the words that I say that actually have merit fall dead to the floor because people are just so sick of listening to the things that have no value. My old boss and mentor often talked about credibility. If all you ever have to say is negative, how will people react when you have something positive to say? I don't think they will react at all. They will probably think you are being facetious. That's a scary place to be.
Now it's just human nature to poke fun at the things in life that are genuinely funny. A beautiful woman in a stunning red dress dragging a train of toilet paper out of the bathroom is funny. You can't buy humor like that. A college girl applying for a job with an email address like hussie_4_life@hotmail.com on her resume is pure funny. Having the uniform lady explain to you the importance of a professional appearance while her double-stud, barbell nipple rings poke through her shirt is funny (true story). I don't know a single person who wouldn't laugh at that.
The trick I guess in all of it is to figure out what effect your words have on people. I lack judgment in this area. I can't look at a midget without cracking a grin. That's not right. That poor guy can't help it. He can't even ride roller coasters. He's been punished enough without my help. But I can't help it. It's funny to me. What worries me is that I perpetuate this problem in my kids. We had a game of "midget toss" one day when Laura was at a Mary Kay meeting. We sat there and tossed Fisherprice "little people" across the room into a bucket. It was fun for hours. When Laura came home, Annabelle explained to her mom, "We played midget toss!"
I seriously need some help. There is something wrong with me. In all seriousness, I don't want to be a resounding gong.
