Here it is. It has now been two-and-a-half months since I have updated. That's a big gap for a guy who was posting upwards of ten blogs per month. I'm sure there are a lot of questions. Then again, chances are that many people have stopped visiting because no one expects there to be anything new. In that case, there are likely no questions as to my whereabouts. My bad.

But in the off chance that anyone still checks Moose Jockey, I have been in Phoenix. I have been working a lot. Flying to and fro. Over the last two months a handful of things have happened. I went back to Canada for a brief trip to see my mom and dad and a few friends. I was there a total of three days. I rented a car and checked out my home town. I hadn't been there in a little over four years, so much had changed there. I saw people I hadn't seen since I had graduated almost a decade ago. It was surreal. My worst suspicions were confirmed when I drove into Sylvan Lake. It was not the town that I had remembered. It had doubled in size since I left, and I didn't know everybody who walked down the street. Buildings that once existed were replaced with new, cooler, and less charming buildings than those of my childhood. Sigh. My home town is no longer my home town.

Another thing that has happened since I last made an entry is that I have lost a lot of weight. Since December, when I first stepped on the scale and decided to make a conscious effort to do something about my portly exterior, I have lost fifty, count 'em, FIVE ZERO pounds. I still have about fifteen more pounds that I'd like to lose, but so far I'll count the fifty mark as a victory. I stopped buying food at work. I bring protein bars and dried fruit and tuna in a cooler, and that is all that I eat. I also run a lot. Up until the middle of March I had been running a lot more, but late in the month, I came up lame with an iliotibial band strain (ITBS), and I have been struggling ever since. I was running about 10K three times a week, but now, I'm lucky if I can make it 2.5 miles without crying from the pain. Why not take up swimming? Because I LOVE running. I love it. My doc offered a localized steroid injection; I declined, but I was tempted. Anyway, the injury has forced me into strength training in order to continue to burn calories. To me this was not favorable because I have a muscular build, and I don't want to bulk up. I'm bulky already. But it has brought some balance to my routine.

Anyway, the ITBS caused me to be quite lazy. Also when I went home to Canada I had a few cigars with some friends. Which immediately launched me into buying cigarettes when I returned to Arizona. After smoking several packs over the period of several weeks I realized that I was being stupid. So I went from a nicotine-free person, back to a 4mg nicotine gum chewer again. It's a setback. Battered but not beaten. I expect to be gum-free buy the end of the summer. The lesson? If you've nixed something. Don't even walk near it again.

Unfortunately, work has kept me from getting home more than it ever did when I was out in Washington DC. Now it seems that I only get home once or twice a month, and only ever for one or two days. This is taking its toll on me, and I must say that I have lost a lot of my inspiration because of it. I think this might explain why Moose Jockey has been suffering so badly. Poor website. I guess, the thing is I haven't been learning much. Putting my new realizations in writing makes me happy.

So, here I am. I want to say thank you to all of you who over the last few months who have asked me to take some laxative. Apparently, the title to my last entry was very appropriate.

I'm sure many of you, after reading the title of this post, are gearing up to read about how I have trouble curbing my foul language and how I am working on not swearing as much. You are expecting me to tell you that I have learned that the tongue has the power of life and death, and that I am on the path to speaking sweetly. You're wrong. I'm quitting tobacco, and I'm chewing nicotine gum just so I don't kill somebody; what the hell is wrong with you? This post is about my wisdom teeth.

For the last few days I have been suffering from a tooth that desperately wants to come out. It is one of my four wisdom teeth that are all vying for some real estate in my mouth. Unfortunately, three of the four teeth are impacted. Roughly, what this means is that the tooth grows in the wrong direction and rubs and grinds and infects and hurts and causes me to consume mass quantities of Excedrin. It also means that the only alternative is to get surgery.

It's not as simple as getting a few teeth pulled. They actually have to go in and smash each tooth into pieces and pull out all the little fragments afterward. Now that's what we in the medical business call a "smash-and-grab job." That has got to be pleasant. I don't know what I am going to do about it. What's worse, I have known that this day was coming for the last three years, and I still don't know what to do. I have about two-dozen friends who are dental hygienists that would tell me to just go to the dentist; and that would be fine, if I knew dentists who wanted to extend me a professional courtesy of a referral to an oral surgeon. But I'm not a hygienist, and that crap costs money. A lot of money.

Sure I have dental benefits. But really, dental benefits are there so that I can pay someone some money to feel like I'm covered. Really, it turns out that my benefits will only cover a third of the cost. I wish I had opted out of my dental coverage. Oh well.

Presently, the Excedrin is working just fine. I'm willing to bet that this tooth sinks back down in a little while, and I can delay surgery, again, for another few months. They tend to do this from time to time. To those of you in the medical/dental profession, yes, I am well aware that infections can be fatal, and that bone loss can, and will, and is most likely occurring. Thank you. I have been so advised.

Check that out, not a single swear word.

My apologies to all. I have been incommunicado for the last few weeks. It's not because I haven't had access to a computer or Internet. It's not because I haven't felt the need to write. It's because I have long held to my parents' teaching: If you can't say anything nice don't say it at all.

As you may have read, I am attempting to quit chewing tobacco. This addiction has been long-standing and I have been quite afraid to fail at this attempt. To add to it, the overwhelming, unfounded anger that comes with withdrawal has not been a piece of cake. It has been a pretty amazing two weeks. I have started chewing the nicotine gum. I put in a piece every three or four hours or whenever I figure I'm about to murder someone, and manage to cope with the craving. Well guys, you'll never believe it, I haven't had tobacco in almost two weeks! Despite the emotional and physical roller coaster (I have a cold now), I feel triumphant over U.S. Smokeless and their tasty product.

Anyway, I wanted to keep you apprised on the happenings of the last two weeks. I'm going to work on a few more entries today.

It's day one of my two days off here in Canada. It's not all that exciting. I slept in to rid myself of the sleep debt that I have been acquiring this week. After I got up I went over to the Yorkdale Mall and ate some food at the Pickle Barrel and then went to the pharmacy to pick up some nicotine gum; 105 pieces for $50. In a nicotine withdrawal yesterday, I about leaped out of my pilot chair and strangled the other guy in my crew. This part of Canada does not specialize in Skoal products so I have run out.

It's a terrible thing, nicotine is. I really haven't known life without it. Both my parents smoked when I was growing up. I started smoking when I was 14, and traded in cigarettes for chewing tobacco when I began flight training. You'd actually be surprised how many pilots have this same vice. In fact, all three guys I am up here with also chew.

So, naturally, I realized this week how dependent I am on this stuff. You don't really think about it when your some place with easy access. To a nicotine addict, tobacco is like having running water or electricity. It's something you depend upon. When it becomes unavailable, you have no idea what to do or how to survive. It's a terrible place to be.

I wish quitting were as simple as my wife makes it out to be. She'll say quite often, "Just quit." I've explained to her, "I can't." She'll say, "Sure you can, just stop. Just don't do it." Yeah, sure. If it were that easy, everyone would quit. My wife has been fortunate enough not to have an addictive personality.

In an effort to understand a little bit more about addiction, I did some reading. I found some interesting characteristics that influence addiction. Generally there are people who are "at risk" for addiction. Here is a list of traits:

Traits associated with the "addictive personality"

• poor impulse control;
• low self-esteem;
• inability to cope with stressors;
• egocentricity;
• manipulative traits;
• and a need for control and power, while feeling impotent and powerless.

From addiction-rehabilitation.com

As it turns out, I'm that person. Call it a lapse of childhood training, call it self-medication, call it what you will, but my personality has addictive tendencies. While it may seem awfully sad, it does give me some hope. I have never been a user of narcotics. I never have tried drugs and I am not an alcoholic. That's pretty cool. I have known my whole life that I am in the "at risk" category for both of these, so I have always kept my distance. I have a two beer limit generally, and I flat-out stay away from people who do drugs.

With all of this knowledge, I still can't seem to kick the nicotine habit, and I know why. There is no good time to go through withdrawal. I know it's coming. I know I can quit, but I just can't find the time to schedule a "coming down." It's horrible. Ask anyone who has seen my try to quit. I tried back in January. It was the most unbearable 8 hours of my life. Yeah, that's right, 8 hours. By the time I was rounding hour eight I seriously wondered if my marriage could handle hour nine. It wasn't because I wanted to go back to nicotine, I thought it would be less costly to do so.

So when can I get this done? Do I dare attempt this at work? I am scared of what I might say to someone at work. I get a little more than temperamental. I could lose my job if I said the wrong thing. On the other hand, should I try to quit over a week of vacation? That would be a vacation from hell for my family.

So, here is my game plan. I imagine an addiction counselor will read this and show it to her college psychology class about how not to quit an addiction. But this is the best I can come up with.

I am going to continue with my tobacco. I am going to try to slowly supplement that with this really shitty gum. Slowly, I imagine it will take months, I will reduce my tobacco intake. Then I will try to chew Trident. Hell, if I can get addicted to tooth-whitening gum, I'll count that as a win.

I would appreciate any feedback you all have on this. I know that the majority of my readers are non-addiction people. I certainly hope you all don't think less of me for bringing this to light. However, if you do think less of me, you can kiss my ass. Sorry, it's been two hours since my last chew. I didn't mean that.